we are four months out from the day we say our vows and are untied as Mr. and Mrs. Michael McSherry. i am overwhelmed with emotions about this countdown. we started the planning process what seems a lifetime ago and we are only 8 months deep. i have been having some anxieties and stresses recently and have been trying to pinpoint where they are routed from.
since we have started planning i have been involved in my best friends wedding where everything went very smoothly and the whole day was beautiful! we got to see our photographers in action since Britt and I have the same one, which was an added perk :) the outcome pictures of her big day really solidified our happiness with our choice of photographer. Britt's wedding had a lot of special touches throughout that made it "theirs". I am also currently hearing all the details of a wedding that is being planned by my second family, The Shaffer's. Their son is getting married in 2 weeks and his mother (my mom's bestest of friends-my second mom) has really gone above and beyond for the couple. when i hear these details, i can immediately think "that is so Jason and Maggie".
that is what i want for our wedding. this is what i don't think we have right now. i want that mother's touch. i want those little details that people can see and go "yup! that definitely fits Michael and Kira!" And if they don't know us as a couple, they can look around see how it fits myself and how it fits michael as individuals.
just like everyone else, i have good days and bad days. i have sad days that i don't have a mom; days where i know i am missing out on so much that mother's and daughter's do together throughout life. these past few days, i am really missing my mom. i miss our bond. i hate that she can't do the planning with me; that we can't bounce ideas back and forth, laugh at each other's ideas and make creative touches for the wedding (she really did love craft projects). right now i am struggling. i know i have a great support system around me but the people i need the most, don't seem to be there for me.
its so easy to get caught up in what we don't have so everyday (especially lately) i have been constantly reminding myself "be thankful for what you DO have and not what you DON'T." i am trying to reroute my stress/negative thoughts/sad feelings and turn them into motivation to make this wedding EVERYTHING i want and everything michael wants. so when i look back at our big day or when we have the pleasure of telling our kids about the day we got married, i will had no regrets and no sad feelings.
this is a very tough time for me but yet also a very beautiful time for me. please bare with me and all my emotions. i just boarded another roller coaster of life and will learn how to deal with the ups and downs as time carries on. ever since i lost my mom i have learned how to deal with and adapt to life changes in my own way. this is no different.
love to all.
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